And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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