He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize