very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
