I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
