You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize