Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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