he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
