the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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