ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
