I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
