He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
