get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
