To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
