Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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