just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
