you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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