After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize