I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
