Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
