Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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