so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
