I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
