So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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