so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
