How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
