The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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