Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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