Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
