This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
