my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
