alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
