Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
