FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
