So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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