Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
