How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
