So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
