I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
