So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
