Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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