i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
