You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
