Dignity is for republicans.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
