areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
