ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
