remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize