i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
