I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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