she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You are the jesus of drinking
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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