my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
