i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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