That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
