You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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