so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
