the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
