How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
