She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
