how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
