I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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