I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
