Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
