really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
cat food counts as protein by the way
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
