so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
accomplished twins. life is a go
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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