normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
