if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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