The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
