LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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