please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
