I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
