we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
