She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
