every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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