At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
