My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
