I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The air taste purple.
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