Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
