youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
