**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
