i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
