dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
