You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
