Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
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