can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize