Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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