btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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