There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
