Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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