Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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