The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
