dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my poor anus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
