fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
