i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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