my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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