Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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