oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
