Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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