Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
