well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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