Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
