Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh god it's open bar.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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