We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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