no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
