I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
