The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
