they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
