i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
