Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
