I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
